I’ve Discovered the Secret to Domestic Bliss: Separate Bathrooms

February 15, 2019


After living with my fiancée, Alex, for the past six months, I’m convinced I’ve found the secret to living in harmony: separate bathrooms.

Don’t get me wrong: I love living with Alex. Aside from experiencing a few growing pains on my end (read: I’m still learning how to cook without a microwave), cohabiting has been a breeze because we don’t share a bathroom.

Allow me to explain all the reasons, and I think you’ll agree it’s the right choice.

We have different schedules

When Alex moved into my condo last summer, we decided we’d have designated bathrooms: I got the master bathroom that’s attached to our bedroom, she got the hallway bathroom.

So why do I get the master bath? Because Alex gets up early for work, but I need my beauty sleep. If she showered in the bathroom that’s attached to our bedroom, the noise would wake me up, and I’m a real grump in the morning. Having the hallway bathroom all to herself also means she can listen to as much Miranda Lambert music as she wants.

I don’t like to share

I’ll admit it: I’m not the best sharer. If I buy a cookie, I want to eat the whole cookie—not split it (even if it’s with my betrothed). It’s something I need to work on. In the meantime, we’ll have separate bathrooms.

I loathe her shower curtain

Though I’m not that picky about our home’s interior design, I want a bathroom with neutral décor—not a bathroom with my fiancée’s shower curtain, which has beads and illustrations of women’s shoes on it.

I want a bathroom with neutral décor—not a girly shower curtain.

Daniel Bortz

The curtain in my bathroom is plain white. It’s a tad boring, I’ll admit, but it’s less distracting—and, more important, not feminine.

What’s so bad about having a plain, white shower curtain?

Daniel Bortz

Her hair gets everywhere

Put simply, women shed. Everywhere. Alex’s hair gets on the countertop, in the bathtub, and on the bathroom floor. It’s like walking into a barbershop that doesn’t get cleaned. By having separate bathrooms, I don’t have to be confronted by a sink littered with hair every time I go to brush my teeth. Plus, her hair clogs up the shower drain.

She doesn’t replace the toilet paper

Who wants to go to the bathroom and do the deed, only to find that the toilet paper roll is empty? No one! But that’s what would happen if I shared a bathroom with Alex. I know this because she never replaces the toilet paper roll in our apartment’s half-bathroom (which we reserve for guests)—or, sometimes she leaves a roll on when there’s only one sheet of paper left. (Why?!)

To be fair, she would say I’m the one who leaves the toilet paper roll empty, but she’d be lying.

She fogs up the bathroom

Because our bathrooms are small, the steam from the shower builds up quickly. This causes tiny water droplets to form on the ceiling and the mirrors to fog up—two things that I hate. So, to prevent that from happening when I shower, I turn on the bathroom exhaust fan, which sucks the moist air up and out of the room, and I leave the bathroom door slightly open to allow air to pass through.

Alex, however, prefers to shower with the bathroom door closed. That’s not a character flaw by any means, but that habit does turn the bathroom into a steam room. And I can go to the gym when I want that.

She commandeers the storage space

Alex has a ton of bathroom products: lotions, creams, gels, soaps, perfumes, face washes, and, of course, makeup. For all I know she’s running a cosmetics business out of our house. I’m not exaggerating (see photo below). If we shared a bathroom, all her stuff would take over the medicine cabinet and vanity’s storage space. There’d be no space left for me.

For all I know my fiancée is running a cosmetics business out of our house.

Daniel Bortz

Behold: My much more organized medicine cabinet that’s not overflowing.

Daniel Bortz

We don’t want to have petty arguments

When you share a bathroom with your significant other, even tiny things can get under your skin. Case in point: I hate that Alex doesn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste. She hates that I leave the toilet seat up. But, neither of those things is an issue because we each have our own private bathroom (though she is still trying to train me to put the seat down).

It’s not sexy to go #2 in the same bathroom

Real talk: Who wants to poop in the same bathroom as their partner if they don’t have to? Having separate bathrooms leaves some mystery to our relationship. Trust me on this. Being able to do your “business” in private is no small thing (even if you use Poo~Pourri).

The bottom line

It turns out we’re not alone: Surveys on couples who don’t share a bathroom are scant, but Michelle Obama said on the “Today” show that “one of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms.”

Actor Michael Caine agrees. In an interview with Esquire, Caine said one of his cardinal rules is “You never share a bathroom with your wife. Otherwise, you have a little, tiny corner with a razor and a toothbrush in it, and you never get in there.”

In fact, I strongly recommend that all couples do the same and find a place with at least two full bathrooms if they can afford it. You and your relationship will thank me later!

The post I’ve Discovered the Secret to Domestic Bliss: Separate Bathrooms appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

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